As we move through Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Child Abuse Prevention Month, I have something to celebrate. When the month started, I assumed it would be a somber, sad month of horrifying statistics, dark blog topics, and more sinking into my trauma. The opposite has been true, in reality, and I am excited to say so. One of the highlights of my month was reconnecting with someone from my past who recently said, “Me too,” after reading one of my blog posts. Hearing “Me too,” is always a mixed bag of emotions because it feels affirming to know you’re not alone and that others understand what you’re going through, AND, it’s also maddening. Accepting that more of us have been through these horrific experiences angers me in a way that makes me want to quit the day and go to sleep - especially when these newfound peers are people I care about. In this case, finding a peer in this amazingly strong woman was a bit of both.
Deciding to meet and share our experiences was something that I knew would be hard and emotional, but I also sensed it could be really cathartic. So I took the leap and reached out to her. By the end of our two-hour conversation, we’d used countless tissues, hugged more times than I could count and even spent some time recounting some of our favorite “good old days” stories. What I learned from this therapeutic meeting is threefold:
1. Never close your mind off to where healing can come from.
You never know what those around us are carrying or have been through. What that means is that at any time, anyone could be a peer in your survivorhood and you wouldn't necessarily know it. Assuming someone could never understand your experiences can mean writing off a person who could potentially be a resource for you. Watch and listen to your world and be open to what connections come your way.
2. When you’re ready, challenge yourself to find the resources you need.
Chances are if you’re reading this, you’re searching around your world for the things that will make your recovery smoother, easier or faster. The truth is smoother might be doable, but easier and faster may be shooting for the stars a bit. Having said that, identifying the things that might help you is a great step in the coping process. For example, writing this blog is therapy for me. Reading about trauma, as a science, is helpful for me because it makes me feel seen and heard - it helps me to feel that my experiences make sense from a scientific perspective. And now, I am excited to know that connecting, in person, with other survivors is a resource I have and can take advantage of. For me, it takes the “aloneness” away. I encourage you to find what will work for you.
3. Give yourself the gift of being vulnerable around people who make you feel safe.
One of the things that trauma can do to us, is blur the lines between those we can trust and those we can’t. It can even deplete our ability to trust ourselves and our judgment. It’s hard to let our guard down as survivors of trauma - we want to protect ourselves and those we love from the pain we’ve experienced. However, beginning to let ourselves trust others to provide support and understanding can be a big step in the right direction. Creating trusting relationships with those who can relate to our trauma or those who are good at empathizing can be extremely comforting. For me, it’s been eye-opening and made my dark, small world feel just a bit bigger and more bearable.
In closing, my message to you is to keep hoping. People and experiences can surprise us, often in positive ways. When the time's right on your healing journey, seek out the resources you are craving and allow yourself to be open to all that they have to offer your mindset, your path, and your recovery. The more light we can shine on and for each other, the less alone we will all feel. Less alone? Yes, please!
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